All In (Cedar Mountain University #2) Read online

“I wouldn’t say a mess.”

  “Jacob, do you not remember my near melt down not even an hour ago? I went from totally pissed off to barely functioning within the blink of an eye. How does that not make me a mess?”

  “You loved him, right?”

  I nod my head. “Still do, which just adds weight to my side. I’d have to be a total idiot to still be in love with him.”

  “Not an idiot. Hopeful.”

  Crossing my arms over my chest I lean back against the booth with a huff. “Being hopeful sucks.”

  “It does indeed.”

  He’s got that faraway look in his eyes again. The same one he had earlier when I asked about him having a sister. And I want to ask about his sister, but can’t quite form the words, because I don’t want to hear the hurt in his voice when he answers. The shrill sound of my cell phone goes off just as the waitress comes back with our food. I fumble in my pocket, bringing it out to see Holden’s face spread across the screen. I click the ignore button, set the phone to vibrate then drop it down on the Formica tabletop in front of me. I know it won’t be long before it rings again.

  “Your brother?”

  “Hmm. Can I have some of your French toast?”

  “You gonna share the pancakes?”

  “Yeah, no.” I say with a smirk. “I don’t share my food.”

  “Then no French toast for you.”

  My phone starts vibrating, bouncing all over the table. A quick glance down shows that it’s Holden again. I let it run its course as I stuff another bite of blueberry pancake in my mouth. It’ll be Cole in a few moments, or Ally. Maybe even Robby. One of them will call next, not because they’re worried about me, but because they want to shut Holden up. I take another drink, watching the phone in interest.

  It takes barely a minute before it starts dancing across the table again and Delaney’s face lights up the screen. I snatch it up quickly. “Did he seriously get you to call me?”

  “Who?” Delaney’s puzzled voice comes across the line.

  “Never mind. What’s up?” I stab another piece of pancake, stuffing into my mouth. Across the table from me Jacob smirks before taking a bite of French toast.

  “I’m going to stay with Cole tonight. Is that okay?”

  “Why wouldn’t it be okay?” Jacob has started playing with his phone, tapping out something on the screen. I reach across the table, stabbing a piece of French toast and shoving it in my mouth quickly.

  “You’ll be alone in the apartment.”

  I swallow the toast, eyeing another piece on his place. “I think I can handle it.” I reach across the table, ready to stab another piece, but suddenly his hand circles my wrist stopping my forward motion. “Dammit.” I mutter, yanking my hand away and stabbing another pancake instead. I stick my tongue out in response to the grin on his face as he takes another bite.

  “What’s the matter?” Del’s voice chirps in my ear.

  “Nothing. Go have fun with Cole. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.”

  I drop the phone back down on the table, smirking at the little text message icon on the screen. Poor Holden, taken to yelling at me through text. Not nearly as effective.

  “You have a serious appetite for someone who looks like an elf.”

  “An elf?” I shove another bite in my mouth. “Elf’s are ugly.”

  Jacob laughs, “All right then a fairy or a pixie, or whatever the hell the cute little things are. What’s the Disney thing in the green dress?”

  “Tinkerbell.” I say dryly. “And I’m sure Walt is rolling in his grave. Disney thing in the green dress,” I grumble, “Sheesh.”

  “Who’s Walt?”

  I eye him suspiciously. “What kind of childhood did you have, Jacob? Walt as in Walt Disney. The man behind the mouse?” I shake my head. “Never mind. And I look nothing like Tinkerbell, she’s a blonde.”

  “Whatever. You look like a pixie, and you’re about as big as one, so where does all the food go?”

  I can’t even argue because even though I was on the phone, I’m about four bites from being done with my pancakes and he has over half his French toast left.

  “Hasn’t anyone ever told you it’s rude to point out how much a girl eats? That’s almost like calling her fat.”

  “I just told you that you were as small as a pixie, how is that calling you fat? This is why girls drive guys crazy.”

  I smirk. “Oh, we know. Now hurry up, I’m ready to go.”

  Chapter Five

  “Who in the hell invited her?”

  Beth is standing on the far corner of the patio. She’s standing with a trio of people, one of whom I vaguely recognize. I’m not her biggest fan, and I know she makes Delaney uncomfortable. And does she not own any clothes that don’t make her look like slut? Those shorts are about one centimeter away from indecent.

  “How many people actually get invited anymore?” Robby asks around a mouthful of chips. “These cookouts are like the worst kept secret ever.” He holds the bag out to me but I shake my head. “I don’t think I know half these people. Like that asshole over there raiding the beer cooler, who the hell is he?”

  “Focus, Robby.” I mutter.

  “I am focused. He’s drinking my beer. That’s a problem for me.”

  “I can’t believe she would show her face here.”

  Frowning Robby reaches into the bag of ships and grabs another handful. “Girls are so weird. What does it matter if she’s here or not? Cole’s with Delaney.”

  “Don’t be so dense. She tried to keep them apart, therefore she is the enemy. She always will be the enemy. That’s the way it works.”

  Robby is staring at me with wide eyes. “So fucked up.” He says with a shake of his head. “Just ignore her. Go rescue one of my beers from that thief and relax.”

  He wanders away, shoving more chips in his mouth as he goes. I glance back over to where Beth was standing, but I’m distracted when I see Grant come out the back door. He’s holding a plate of hamburger patties and hot dogs, ready to go on the grill, and is laughing at something Holden is telling him. Holden catches me watching them and winces.

  I give him a small smile, and for the millionth time I wish I could smooth everything over for everyone, but I can’t help them move past their unease when I can’t even face my own.

  If only I could show them that I’m okay.

  Or I will be.

  Maybe then we’d be able to find some new sense of normal in our little group.

  Cole comes to stand beside me, handing me a Blue Moon with a slice of orange tucked in the neck of the bottle. I take a long drink, feeling the liquid coat my throat.

  “So tell me about Jacob Ross.”

  I choke on the drink I’d just taken. “Jesus, you to? What about him?”

  Cole shoots me a look. “Really? Holden has done nothing but bitch to me about you spending the night with him. Then Grant grumbles all week about him using you. So, what’s the deal?”

  “The deal is that Holden isn’t my father and Grant is an asshole for thinking he has any right to be worried about me at all.”

  “Besides that.” He says with a laugh.

  I take another long drink of the beer. “There’s nothing besides that. He’s in one of my classes, why does it have to be such a big deal? When did Holden turn into such a girl? He’s driving me absolutely nuts. It’s like Grant broke up with me and now he thinks I can’t make any rational decisions on my own.”

  “Give him a break, Gracie Lou, he knows you’re hurting and he doesn’t know how to fix it. To top it off, it’s his best friend that did it so he’s struggling with the urge to kick Grant’s ass.”

  “I don’t want him to struggle with it,” I say, sighing. “I just want things to be easy.”

  Cole snorts. “We don’t do easy, Grace, not in this crew.”

  “We need to figure out how.”

  “Well, since your new friend just walked through the door, I don’t think we’re going to figure it out toni
ght.” He clicks his bottle of beer against mine before walking away. I turn to watch Jacob make his way into the small courtyard. He scans the crowd and it gives me a second to study him. His long legs are encased in a pair of loose jeans. and he’s wearing a button down shirt the same pale blue color of his eyes with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and hello sexy forearms. Who knew that was a thing? His hair still has the sexy I’ve-just-rolled-out-of-bed look, and he’s forgone shaving again.

  He spots Grant, and I watch in fascination as the line of his jaw tightens and his eyes narrow before he keeps looking around the backyard.

  I start to move in his direction, but stop when I see Robby approach him. It’s obvious they know each other when they greet each other in that stupid guy way that’s some sort of half hug half pat on the back thing that I just don’t understand.

  Huh. I was unaware that Robby knew Jacob. He’d never mentioned it before. I was definitely going to have to figure out how I had missed that.

  Just as I’m about to start moving toward him again I feel a hand on my shoulder stopping me. When I glance back, my stomach sinks to see that it’s Grant. I really don’t want to fight with him tonight.

  “Grace, hey.”

  I look back to Robby and Jacob to find that they are moving across the yard, heading toward the precious cooler of beer. He hasn’t even glanced in my direction.

  “What do you want, Grant?” I ask tiredly.

  “To apologize.”

  I choke out a laugh. “Haven’t you already done that? Doing it multiple times isn’t going to make me forgive you any faster.”

  “I’m sorry about the other day. I just,” He pauses, running a hand through his hair. “I worry about you.”

  “Don’t.” I suggest simply. Before he can say anything else I move across the yard with purpose, heading directly for Jacob. He’s still talking to Robby, and now Todd has joined them. I am not a Todd fan. He drinks a little too much, a little too often, for my taste. Plus he threw up in my car which is all kinds of rude. And he leers, like all the damn time. Thank goodness I wasn’t wearing a low-cut top tonight.

  I slide right up next to Jacob, running a hand down his arm, and settling my hand into his.

  I realize my mistake the instant my skin touches his. Hot streams of awareness spread like wildfire through my entire body.

  Holy shit. Holy shit, how is that possible? How is it possible that the smallest bit of contact between the two of us has me wanting to wrap my entire body around him until I can’t tell where he begins and I end?

  I want to crawl inside of him and live there so I can be wrapped up in this feeling forever.

  Shaken by something I’ve never felt before, I have to force myself to focus on what’s going on around me. It takes every bit of will power I have not to turn around to see Grant’s reaction. Or Holden’s for that matter. They think I’m so hung up on Grant that I’m going to do something stupid?

  Well I’m about to, but not in the way they think.

  “Hey guys.” My gaze flicks up to Jacob. I’m begging him with my eyes, hoping he understands what I’m silently asking him to do. This poor guy who rescued me from myself last weekend, and now I’m drawing him into a game I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t be playing.

  Boy is he going to be sorry he ever talked to me.

  He cocks his head to the side just a little, those intense eyes studying me for several heartbeats.

  I don’t know if I’m more terrified to find out if he’s going to play along, or if he’s going to call me out and ask me what in the hell I’m doing. I release a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding when he tilts into me and says, “Hey there, Pixie.” His voice is low and husky. My eyes narrow just slightly at the nickname, and I can see the damn humor dancing in his eyes because he knows I’m not going to say anything.

  “Gracie Lou—”

  “Don’t call me that.” My head snaps around as I glare at Todd.

  “Whoa there, honey.” He throws his hands up in innocence. “I was just saying hi.”

  I open my mouth to blast him for calling me honey when Jacob gives my hand a tug. “I’m hungry, come help me make a plate.”

  “Dude,” I hear Robby say. “He just totally saved your ass. You know she hates you. Why do you push your luck?”

  My hand stays wrapped tightly in Jacob’s as we move across the yard over to the grill and the small table set up next to it. He lets go just long enough to make a plate. I wait quietly, knowing he’s got a million and one questions, and I don’t have a single answer for what I’d just done.

  Holden and Grant are standing at the grill, which really isn’t all that far away from us. Holden has a puzzled look on his face where Grant just looks pissed. When Jacob’s plate is fixed, he balances it in one hand and grabs my hand in the other.

  “Somewhere quiet?”

  I nod my head, leading him back through the house and out on to the front steps. I drop his hand the moment the front door closes behind us, rubbing the palm of my hand against my jeans as if that will somehow wipe away the stupid decision I’d just made.

  “I’m so sorry, Jacob.” I sit on the top step, dropping my head into my hands, I thread my fingers through my hair, pulling slightly. “I don’t know what in the hell came over me.”

  He takes a bite of his burger, chewing slowly as he watches me. It’s unnerving, waiting for him to say something. To say anything. I can’t read a freaking thing on his poker face, and those unique frost blue eyes don’t indicate one way or the other what’s going on behind them.

  Finally he swallows. “Did we start dating and I missed it? Because I’m pretty sure that’s not something I would forget,” he says, then calmly takes another bite of burger. Like this is a normal every day conversation.

  I mean, I know I talk about my fake relationship all the freaking time. Doesn’t everyone?

  “He pissed me off. Again.”

  One brown brow arches up. “Which one?”

  “Grant mostly.” I reach over and grab a Cheeto off his plate, popping it in my mouth before he can take it back. “Holden doesn’t make me mad so much as he makes my heart hurt.”

  Jacob makes a noise under his breath that I can’t quite pin down. I know he thinks Holden should be mad at Grant for dumping me, just as I know that I won’t hold it against Holden that he isn’t. The friendship between Grant and Holden is hard to explain to someone who didn’t watch it form. Grant had a lackluster mother and a mostly absentee father, and when he was home it wasn’t all sunshine and roses in the Michaels’ house.

  So Grant spent more time at our house than his own, and then their junior year of high school something happened and Holden had brought Grant home with two broken ribs, a split lip, a broken nose, and matching black eyes. Grant’s father disappeared entirely after that, and my father had a come to Jesus meeting with his mother.

  She’d never win mother of the year, but things had improved for Grant at home after that. In one of the rare times that Grant had opened up to me about his home life he told me that Holden had saved his life. He hadn’t gone in to it more than that, and I hadn’t pushed.

  Maybe I should have. Maybe knowing more would help me understand where he was coming from now.

  “So Grant pissed you off and you thought it would be a good idea to what? Make him jealous?”

  “Uh, jealous wouldn’t be the word I’d use.” I wrinkle my nose in thought. “Though it might be a tiny part of my reason.” I allow. “A very tiny part.”

  “Okay.” He swallows another bite. “So now what?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t think that far ahead. I’m a spur of the moment kind of girl, Jacob. Planning is for pussies.”

  He chokes on a bite of burger and I laugh. “Yeah,” I say with a shake of my head. “Sorry.”

  “It’s just odd hearing such dirty language out of such a pretty mouth.”

  “You sure have some lines.” I mutter, tucking my hair behind my ears. “I’m sorry
I put you in this position.”

  His mouth kicks up in a half smile which has his dimple flashing briefly. “What position would that be? The one where everybody now thinks I’m dating a sexy girl? Don’t think that’s such a bad deal.”

  Reaching over I grab a Cheeto off his plate, laughing softly at the slight narrowing of his eyes as I pop it in my mouth.

  “I didn’t even stop to think that you might already be dating someone.”

  “Nope. I’m free and clear to be your pretend boyfriend.” He takes the bottle of beer out of my hand, draining the rest before handing it back.

  “You don’t have to do that. I’ll fix it. I shouldn’t have brought you into the middle of this.” I grab another Cheeto off his plate. “Have you ever had these stale?” I ask, holding the Cheeto up between us.

  A look of complete horror crosses his face. “What? That’s gross.”

  Laughing, I pop the Cheeto into mouth. “They taste better stale. I promise. And yes,” I pause to lick the cheese off my fingers, “I know exactly how weird I am.”

  “How did we go from pretend dating to your weird eating habits?” He pulls the plate away when I go to grab another Cheeto. “Uh-uh, weirdo, you don’t get anymore.”

  “That’s just mean,” I grumble. But I don’t reach for another one. I roll the empty bottle of beer between my hands, feeling the slight condensation rub into my palms. “I’ll set everyone straight tomorrow. I promise.”

  “Don’t stress it, Pix,” he says. “Like you said, everybody assumes we’re together anyway. So we don’t disillusion them of the notion just yet. I told you, somebody else will do something and you won’t be a blip on the radar.”

  “Unfortunately that won’t work with my brothers. Or Grant.”

  “So just let this ride. No big deal to me,” he says with a wink.

  Before I can say anything else the front door bangs open and Delaney comes out. She doesn’t hesitate to lay into me. “What in the hell was that?” She demands. “A week ago you were telling me you didn’t care how beautiful he was you weren’t going to date him.”

  I wince, “Delaney,”

  “Now you’re holding his hand and he’s calling you Pixie?”