All In (Cedar Mountain University #2) Read online

  It doesn’t matter how hurt I am by Grant dropping me like a hot potato, or how low my self-esteem happens to be at the moment, one night stands aren’t my thing. Not judging those who indulge. I just don’t want to be numbered among them.

  Of course Grant was the only person I’ve ever slept with, and we had been dating for over six months before I had even let him clear third base, never mind a home run.

  Swallowing the last bit of water I throw the covers off my legs and force myself to get out of the bed. His room is pretty bare, the furniture I noted last night and one framed picture of a young Jacob with a woman and a girl who looks several years younger than him. Family, I muse, noting the slight resemblance between the three of them.

  They share the same color and shape to their eyes.

  I slip into the small bathroom, wincing at my reflection in the mirror. My earlier concerns of how I looked were obviously warranted. Thick black streaks under both eyes, which are red and swollen, greet me. My hair isn’t just a tangled mess, it looks like a tornado has ripped through the strands scattering them every which way.

  I look like, as my dad would say, I’d been rode hard and put away wet. Glaring at my reflection I reach over and turn the water on in the sink. I make quick work of washing the makeup off my face, feeling somewhat better as the black streaks disappear. I find toothpaste in a cabinet and use my finger to do a patch job on brushing my teeth. I finger brush my hair into some semblance of order.

  The only real color on my face is the pink stain of embarrassment on my cheeks. I can’t believe I’m standing hung over in Jacob’s bathroom. I wish there was some way to teleport myself home instead of having to face him again.

  I feel nearly human again as I move back into the bedroom. I wiggle back into my jean skirt and slide my sandals on as I slip Jacob’s shirt over my head, tugging my tank top back into place from where it had risen.

  I’ve just finished making his bed, and am folding his T-shirt when he comes back into the room. He pauses just inside the door, eyes skimming over me quickly, and I can literally feel my cheeks redden even more under his gaze. He doesn’t say anything as he moves over to the dresser to grab his wallet and a set of keys. This morning he’s in khaki shorts with a gray T-shirt, and a pair of flip flops. He settles a faded hat with the CMU logo stretched across it on his head as he turns to face me.

  “Ready?”

  Nodding, I set the shirt down on the pillow before following him out of the room. The house is quiet as we make our way down the stairs and outside.

  “What time is it?”

  “Around eleven.” His voice is laced with concern as he pushes open the front door. I wince when I step into the sunshine, and wishing for my sunglasses I shade my eyes with one hand. He grips my elbow when I stumble, his fingers warm and firm on my skin as he keeps me from falling flat on my face as he adds, “You should probably try and put something besides water in your stomach. Want me to stop and get something for you?”

  My stomach revolts at the thought of food. “I’ll take my chances.”

  Chuckling softly he says, “Yeah, being hung over isn’t nearly as fun as being drunk, but I promise eating will help. There’s a 24-hour-diner just a couple miles off campus, if you want to stop.”

  “The Grease Spoon?”

  He leads me over to a small black sports car. I don’t know much about cars, but I know expensive when it’s staring me in the face. He follows me around to the passenger side of the car, confusing me. Am I supposed to drive? That makes no sense. I’m just about to ask what in the hell is going on when he reaches past me to open the car door for me.

  For the briefest of moments, I’m stunned into silence. He’s still standing there, one hand casually holding open the door for me, waiting. “You’ve been there?”

  Slowly I run through the last few minutes of conversation in my head, trying desperately to remember what we’d been talking about. He’s waiting for some sort of response from me, but I’m still stuck on him opening the car door for me like this is some sort of date, which is so far from what this is it’s ridiculous.

  “You with me, Grace?” He tilts down, lowering his head so his eyes are level with mine. “You okay?”

  Licking my lips, I nod my head before taking a step away from him before I do something crazy. Like jump him.

  Who knew gallantry was so incredibly sexy? Someone needs to write his mama a thank you card.

  “Been where?” I finally ask breathlessly before sliding into the car.

  “The Grease Spoon.” He reminds me, shifting so one arm is on the hood of the car, the other on the open car door, as he leans in while waiting for my response.

  “My roommate and I go at least once a week. They make the absolute best blueberry pancakes ever.”

  “The stuffed French toast is my weakness.” Um, I’ve seen his stomach, if the man has any weakness at all it doesn’t show in the rock hard abs he was sporting.

  “Yum.” He doesn’t have to know I meant his body and not the French toast.

  Straightening up, he shuts my door before moving around the hood of the car. I watch the fascinating play of muscles in his arm bunch and then flattened back out as his arm moves. He shaved at some point this morning. Did he take a shower while I was passed out in his bed? Why does that feel ridiculously intimate? The smooth line of his jaw is every bit as appealing as it had been last night with the hint of whiskers whispering across it.

  “Sure you don’t want to stop?” He asks as he slides into the car.

  “Stop where?”

  “The Grease Spoon.”

  “Oh, uh, rain check? I should probably check in with my roommate. She’s a bit of a worrier.”

  And I’d purposely left my cell phone at home the night before so I could be disconnected from everyone. They were smothering me. I felt like everyone was trying to be so careful around me, to not mention Grant and whatever girl he happened to be seeing at the moment, so they didn’t hurt my feelings.

  I was drowning in the need to try and keep everything as normal as possible, and balancing that need with the enormous ache I felt in my heart every time I saw Grant was exhausting.

  I’d just wanted one night where I didn’t have to walk the line between the old relationship we’d all shared, and the new one that we were still fumbling our way through.

  Some stupid part of me doesn’t want to hurt Grant. And that part, pisses other parts of me off, and it’s this whirlwind of emotions inside of me that I can’t pin down. It makes me feel weak, and stupid, and like such a wuss.

  I give Jacob directions on how to get to the apartment I share with Delaney, and other than that there is no conversation between us until he pulls up in front of building. I swallow my groan of frustration when I spot not only Cole’s truck, but Holden’s SUV as well, in the guest parking area. I stay seated in the soft leather seat for a few minutes after he’s pulled into a parking spot.

  “You going to be okay?”

  Forcing a smile I know looks anything but real, I turn my head to look at him again. “Of course.”

  He doesn’t believe me. That much is evident by the look on his face. He pulls on the brim of his hat, lifting the hat up off his head and then settling it back down again seconds later. “You don’t look real sure.”

  Of course I don’t, because I’m not real sure. I shrug slightly, taking a deep breath before I answer. “I don’t know how to convince them that I’m okay, or that I’m going to be.” Smirking I add, “It probably doesn’t help that every time I turn around I see my ex with somebody new, and I feel like some days I’m doing pretty good to get my ass out of bed.” I shake my head. “Sorry, you’ve been crazy nice to me and I repay you by whining.”

  “It’s fine.”

  “No it isn’t, but thanks for lying. And thanks for saving me from making a huge mistake last night. And remembering how you were raised,” I add with a small smile. “I’ll see you in class, Jacob.”

  * * * *
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  “Where the hell have you been?”

  Kicking my shoes off, I shuffle through the apartment, heading toward my room without answering Holden. He’s been the worst one to deal with since everything went down. Because Grant is his best friend, and I’m his sister, and he feels like he’s betraying both us whenever he’s with the other one of us.

  “Grace Louise Marsh get your ass back here.”

  I lift one hand up, flicking him off right before slamming my bedroom door shut behind me. “You aren’t my dad!”

  “Don’t make me call him!” Holden pounds on the door of my room. “Your little sorority friend called two hours ago to make sure you made it home okay.” He hits the door one more time. “We’ve been freaking out.” He pauses then adds, “Del’s been freaking out.”

  Great. I close my eyes, dropping my head against the door. I’m a sucky best friend. The worst of the worst, and this isn’t the first time I’ve proven that fact. Sucking in a deep breath I open my door again. Holden is still standing right there and the stern look on his face is just shy of hilarious. “You are going to be a great dad one day, but I seriously hope you don’t have a daughter.” I shoulder past him to look for Delaney.

  “You smell like a brewery.”

  “That’s because I drank my weight in alcohol last night. Jesus, Holden, take a break. I’m a big girl.”

  I knock on Delaney’s bedroom door. “Del?” I can hear her crying on the other side of the freaking door. Perfect. “I’m sorry, Del, I didn’t mean to make you worry. Can I come in?”

  It takes a few seconds before the door opens. I blink at Cole standing in front of me with a frown on his face. He doesn’t hesitate to chastise me on her behalf. “You should have called her.”

  “I know,” I answer meekly. “I didn’t realize Kelsey was going to call.”

  “Well obviously you’re all right.” He says with a hint of a smile. “I thought Holden was going to stroke out.”

  I glance down the hallway to where I can still hear Holden muttering under his breath. “He might yet. Can you take him and go?” I ask. “I could use some girl time with Del.”

  Cole glances over his shoulder, and it doesn’t escape my notice that he hasn’t opened the door far enough for me to see Delaney. Turning back to me he says, “Sure, just give us a minute. You might want to take a shower. You smell.”

  I smile weakly, “So I’ve been told.”

  The water helps me feel marginally better. I take longer than normal, trying to give Cole enough time to say goodbye to Delaney and then corral Holden and get him out of the apartment. This is the first time I’ve ever wished the three of us hadn’t chosen to attend the same college.

  Holden had graduated last year and was now in his first year of law school, and somehow had decided now that he was older and obviously wiser, he was going to take our dad’s place as my keeper. Especially since things with Grant had ended. I think he is terrified I am going to spiral out of control, do something stupid and end up pregnant.

  Which was reason number one why no one would know I had nearly indulged in a one night stand last night while drunk off my ass. Secrets didn’t stay secrets long in our group, and I didn’t need that particular piece of information getting back to either Holden or Grant.

  I towel dry my hair before running a brush through it, and then slip into a pair of hot pink yoga pants and a black tank top before heading back down the hall to Delaney’s room. The apartment is quiet so I must have given them enough time. I knock softly on the door, pushing it open when she calls out.

  She’s sitting on her bed, reading a book with her pretty brown hair piled up in a messy knot on top of her head. She’s dressed the same as I am, only her pants are black and her tank is blue. She obviously utilized the time I was gone to wash her face. There is no evidence of the tears I heard earlier.

  “Before I come any closer, please tell me how clean those sheets are so I have some reassurance that I will not be even remotely close to any of my brother’s…bodily fluids. Because that would be beyond nasty.”

  At least that gets a laugh out of her, with a pale pink blush staining her cheeks as she says, “Maybe we should go in the living room.”

  “Gross.” I shudder. “That is so gross.”

  Arching an eyebrow she says, “Because you were a perfect little angel whenever Grant was here, right?”

  “That’s not nearly as gross,” I tell her wrinkling my nose as I follow her back into the living room. I head straight to the kitchen and grab each of us a bottle of water before joining her on the couch. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you, Del, I honestly didn’t think about it.”

  “I know I overreacted. You’re a big girl, Grace, you don’t need to check in with me.”

  “It was insensitive, regardless, in light of…things.” She looks down, as she always does whenever our conversation heads anywhere remotely close to her kidnapping. I know she still struggles with shame, just as I know there is nothing either Cole or I can tell her that will convince her that she has nothing to be ashamed of.

  Finally she asks, “Did you have a good time?”

  “It wasn’t too bad for a frat party.” I tell her before taking a swallow of my water.

  The thing I love most about Delaney is she really has no expectations when it comes to being her friend. She’d never really had one before she’d started rooming with me, so she has nothing to compare our friendship to. She doesn’t mind if we do nothing more than sit in the same room together. There’s no pressure to entertain or pretend to be somebody I’m not.

  I’m almost positive she prefers the silence. Delaney has a habit of getting lost inside her head sometimes, and it takes extreme effort on my part to get her to come back out. But on days like today, when I still feel like I’m in a fog, and I’m not quite sure how to explain how I’m feeling, the quiet she brings is a beautiful thing.

  And she forgives easily. Which she proved earlier this year when it took me forever to get my head out of my ass and get over being hurt that she hadn’t felt like she could tell me about her past. I know it’s all kinds of twisted stupid that I had remained at odds with her for so long.

  I hadn’t known what to say to her. It was Grant who finally told me I needed to man up and work things out with her. It hadn’t been as awkward as I had thought it would be. She was still Delaney, still the same girl I had shared a room with for months. None of the other stuff mattered.

  I flick the TV on, scanning through until I find an America’s Next Top Model marathon that we can mindlessly watch.

  I can’t even lose myself in the stupid drama of the show though. I keep picturing Jacob Ross smirking at me while talking about fairies kissing the water, and hearing the way he said that he had seen me in class. I’m not melodramatic enough to say that getting my heart broken by Grant is going to stop me from trying again. Though it will definitely make me more cautious.

  And I’m sure as hell not stupid enough to think that my very physical reaction to Jacob means that we’re going to have some grand love affair. I do know that right now, at this very moment, I don’t want to be in a relationship. I don’t want to venture down that road again until I’m one hundred percent sure that I’ve recovered from Grant.

  It wouldn’t be fair to whoever I dated, and it sure as shit wouldn’t be fair to me.

  But it wouldn’t hurt my feelings to spend more time with Jacob. Even if all I do is look at his pretty face, and imagine the incredibly gorgeous body I know he is hiding under his clothes, and let those two things fuel my dreams for a while.

  That wouldn’t be such a bad deal.

  Three episodes in to our marathon I place an order for pizza, because my stomach has finally started to settle and I find myself starving and craving cheese pizza. After I place the order and grab each of us another bottle of water I tell Delaney, “I met someone.”

  Her head jerks up, surprise widening her eyes as they meet mine. “Like a guy?”

  “Exa
ctly like a guy. Jacob Ross.”

  Delaney wrinkles her nose when I say his name. “Why does that name seem familiar?”

  “Because last year everyone and their brother was talking about the fact that he walked away from a very promising football career, and left us high and dry in what had promised to be a very good season, with great bowl game potential.”

  She shakes her head. “I don’t pay attention to gossip, and certainly not football gossip. It has to be something else.” With a dismissive wave of her hand she adds, “I’m sure I’ll remember later. Tell me everything.”

  I wince. “Most of it’s embarrassing. And not appropriate to be shared with Cole.”

  Obviously offended she mutters, “I don’t tell him everything.”

  “Liar,” I say with a laugh. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not giving you any more ammunition against me. Suffice to say I embarrassed myself, and then ended up sleeping in his room. After,” I add when her eyes widen to the point that they look like they are going to pop out of her head, “he promised to sleep on the floor. Which he did. He was a perfect gentleman.” Unfortunately, I think.

  “Are you going to see him again?”

  I pull the black hair tie off my wrist, twisting it around my fingers. “He’s in my Intro to Humanities class, which I didn’t realize before he mentioned it. He’s crazy beautiful up close, Del, I’m not sure how in the hell I missed that he was in my class.”

  The doorbell rings, causing Delaney to jump. “Pizza.” I remind her, before moving to answer the door. The delivery guy is pushing fifty, with a huge belly with a red shirt stretched to the limit in effort to cover it. How come I never get cute delivery guys?

  I sign the credit card receipt quickly, giving him a brief smile before shutting the door with my foot. I decide to forgo plates, seems like a waste of time, and drop the pizza box on the coffee table.

  Delaney grabs a slice. “What does that mean? That you think he’s crazy beautiful. Like you want to date him?”

  “No,” I say, “Maybe? I don’t know.” Groaning loudly I reach over and snag a slice of pizza, folding it in half before taking a bite. “Everything feels like it’s all screwed up, and I don’t know how to fix it.”